It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Come see our sink grown plant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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