Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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