i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
