I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
