I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
