70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
