Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
