Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
