omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are we still banned from the library?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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