Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
