whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
