the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
