How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
