i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
