you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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