She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
