you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
