After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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