Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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