I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
