Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
