I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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