i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
