I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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