I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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