after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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