On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
