you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
