I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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