We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
