It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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