I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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