I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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