First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
