Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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