Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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