that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
