one two three fourrrrnication!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
