i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
honey bunches of taint.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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