I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
