My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
