4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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