walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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