he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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