Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
