god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
