Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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