also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
