This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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