Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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