my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
