I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
